the further south we go, the hotter it fuckin gets [OLD UNPOSTED BLOG]

I WROTE THIS BLOG A LONG TIME AGO AND NEVER GET ROUND TO POSTING IT ABOUT MY TIME IN BLACKPOOL - ENJOY!


WELL it HAS been a long time, HASN'T IT?

caps lock off

yeah I think it's about time for a long overdue update on the sitch you ation
well what's been going on?

I went away to blackpool for a couple of days which basically left me bankrupt to the bone (hey, doesnt that sound like a song Airbourne would make??) since I such a nice guy n all and it was Jonny Queen's 19th I basically paid for his trip and such but aye, it was good - took the wheelchair with which was a BIT of a downer at the pleasure beach but whatever got over it, went on stuff, the infusion was class, but too short and all embarrassing 15 quid a pop mid-ride photographs that I didn't buy I really had a pretty good time. The streets are literally paved with hotels and ours cost £50 a head for 2 nights which wasn't bad really! Despite the fact it seemed like a deserted old couple's run-down 6-storey house...which the caretaker insisted was more packed during 'peak times' but it didn't really stop us, they had a bar in which we forced the old man to sit behind for 5 hours each night whilst we bought pint after pint and shot after shot so aye, it was good. We got there and the woman handed me the key and she was like "oh you look like a strong strapping boy so you're on the top floor", "...Ha HA!" I stated with the old trademark "fuck sake, god hates me" stare but after the old switcheroo with Naomi's room keys, we found ourselves not so far up after all. :).

Complimentary breakfast was kinda ropey, decided I'd go the full hog the first day, and it did look pretty inviting but I have to say fried tomatoes really didn't agree with me and needless to say I didn't have breakfast the next day.

BTW for any reason you were wondering and this might be a shock to the system but Blackpool's pleasure beach REALLY isn't wheelchair friendly...honest! And so it was a hike and a half TO AND FROM AND UP AND DOWN every fucking ride we went on, kinda put a cramp on the full day, pun definitely intended! But I got myself a cheeky very expensive hot dog so it was all gold.
In between all the scams and shenanigans and 30p stuffed animals that cost you a tenner to try and win it was pretty fun and I got sunburned to fuck since I'm pretty much Nosferatu except without the looks
but I will say Valhalla is the business.

We also went to Louis Tussad's but it was all a bit fake, I was promised to meet the President and he really wasn't in the mood for talking. Also I'm sure I saw a 'token terrorist' yknow Turban, Beard, 'kill the infidels' look in his eyes, funnily enough he didn't even get a name-tag like the others! sheer favouritism.

ANOTHER OUTRAGE was that old Abe Stinkin Lincoln was there but he didn't even have his hat! total fuckin bullshit btw what's Lincoln without the hat?! It's like Whoopi Goldberg without the penguin costume! Absolute rip.

Oh, we also did the horror waxwork bit too...SEE RANT ABOUT FUCKIN STAIRCASES ABOVE. The scariest thing about the whole fuckin thing was the walkin!

All in all but a good time down south, disappointedly no mexicans and the english really don't have the moustaches to compare but it was all gravy!